...

How is it that... in the span of two days, everything changed?

I knew I should have questioned Maemi's not going to school. I keep wondering why I didn't. Sure, I mean, she's okay. Nothing really happened to her, but I... never expected things to get so bad. I should have. I was so angry at myself the whole time, even though, again, nothing really happened...

First off, let me tell you that my head isn't on straight. Though I try to forget it, I had to go see my mother's therapist along with her when I was a kid, because of something I did. So, yeah, I know I'm a little off in the head. But my reasons for all of this happening make sense, damn it!

There were all these rumors going around today that Maemi-chan... killed herself. You know, along with all the shit about us being sluts, being looked at like I'm not even human anymore, that was a bit too much for me. When I saw these girls who pretty much made it their hobby to pick on me and Maemi or gossip about us or whatever the hell they decided to do, they had the nerve to say some really terrible things about Maemi, so I showed them how wrong they were.

I got in a fight with them, yeah. Not that it helped much. I only started believing what they told me about Maemi, that she was dead somewhere, and I lost it. I ran off and found myself in the Student Council room. And before you say anything about it, I... wasn't thinking about it, okay?

The whole problem is that... he came in later anyway. He saw me like that, crying and everything, and I ended up telling him everything about me. About Mom. About her attempted suicides with guns, with pills, by jumping off of a bridge. How Dad didn't care, how Hikaru didn't know what to do or that it was even happening... everything. I'd never told anyone before. I'm not even sure if it was the right thing to do, either, but I... figured I had to tell someone.

I'm still shaken up. At the same time, I... feel better, and I have to admit that it's because of Hidetoshi. If he hadn't helped me, I don't know where I'd be right now. I wouldn't have gone up to the roof, that's for sure. ...I'm too much of a coward for that. Hah, I've always been a coward, though. So I guess that's nothing new.

Still. He's one of the kindest men I've ever met in my life. I can't really deny that anymore.

Would you like another kick in the pants, Hatakeda-san?

...This blog is really bipolar, isn't it?

I know I've been delayed, but I feel so, so much better today than I have for the past couple of weeks! Sure, there's a ton of gossip going around about me and Maemi, ever since what happened with that kid. And Akihiko giving Kaito a nice punch in the face probably didn't help much in that regard, either, no matter how awesome that was.

Still, I feel pretty damn good about myself! For once, it feels like I've finally let go of someone who had this really big hold over me. Because, honestly, I've never really told anyone, but I have this one ex-boyfriend named Riichi. He's on the boxing team. We went out two years ago. A lot of things happened between us, and we broke up about two and a half months later. Fun stuff, relationships.

But anyway, I happened to see him again today. To give a bit of background, it looks like Maemi and I are the local sluts of Gekkoukan High School. A nice title, really. :| So I've had a few guys come up to me since the beginning of last week, asking for favors. ._. It's not the best feeling in the world, but people are still looking at me, you know?

Riichi did the same thing today, and I so hope I got him back. x3 Did it feel good to give that dickhead a theoretical kick to the nuts so hard it might have made him cry? Oh, hell yeah! It was wonderful. It really gave me that thought that my life is going right, despite all the uncertainties lately, with SC and all. I'm becoming... more and more certain that I'm making the right decisions. He's out of my life for good, and he doesn't hold that power over me like he used to. Because, really, I felt like, for once, one of those badass girls in the movies who never really thinks they're worth standing up for, but they do one day -- be it for themselves or whatever, Idc -- and then they feel like total awesomeness about it for the rest of the day. Yeah, that's me right now.

...Though, you know, speaking of all this... it's just kinda-sorta occurred to me that Maemi-chan hasn't been at school since yesterday. She wasn't there today, either, and I haven't seen her around the dorm this evening or last.

Things are really getting weird. The gossip just seems to get worse and worse. It's probably not a big deal, just teen drama business, and I'm not really worried, per se. ...Just came to mind. I wonder what's up.

' Sigh ' Oh well. I shouldn't kill my public-humiliation-satisfaction high! :] So I'm off to see my little friend Azami today. I started to see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I probably shouldn't disappoint. I'm starting to look forward to seeing her nowadays. <3

Bai everyone~

Note

If you see me over the next few days, and you're male, don't even bother talking to me. Just don't. I don't want anything to do with you.

EDIT - 6//27//09 - At this point, anything will make me pop. ...Please. Don't speak to me. ._.

You're kidding me, right?

Dude, I'm so damn pissed. For a while now, things have been verging on okay. Despite the usual ridiculousness, things have been relatively normal as far as SEES goes. SEES isn't quite normal, you see.

But damn it all if this should happen to her! I swear if I ever see that douchebag again, I'll beat the shit out of him just like Akihiko did! I don't even care. I'm so mad. So, just... excuse me for a onneeee second, please. :]

You do not call a girl your property! She is not under your control, and she is not your slave! You do not take advantage of a girl just because you can! You think that's cool? You think it gives you something to brag about? 'Lolol I totally almost scored with this chick even though she didn't want it awyeah!'? No? Then shut the fuck up! I can't tolerate that! And I swear, if I ever see that kid's face again, I will break it so hard it won't even be recognizable, and let's see him get a girl then! Asshole.

/endfeministrant

You better hope you don't see me, Kaito.

Somehow, I'm surrounded by...

Death. o_O Or maybe near-death is more fitting.

I don't even know what the hell happened. Most of this week was pretty inactive anyway, aside from the obvious awkwardness that is Student Council, taking pictures of random stuff (yeah, people call me a creeper because of it, but I'm not, damn it!), and surfing the internet. I seem to hermit on this computer a lot, really. I just noticed that... Huh.

Anyway! I was just in my room again today and heard Kirijo-san, of all people, flipping her shit. And you know that when Kirijo-san is flipping her shit, that, not to sound redundant, shit is going down. So I come downstairs and it seems Minato-san is dying.

Yeah, I said wtf too.

For some reason, he was lying on the ground, unable to breathe. Of course, at the time, I was pretty scared, too. I'm still shaking a little, but, like, what the hell? I didn't even know what happened. Akihiko wasn't a help, even though I called him, so Akemi-san and Takeba-san ended up being the people to help. And Minato-san was choking on some white ball of... something. I couldn't even tell.

Like, maybe that could be classified as sushi, but I don't even like the idea of calling that shit food. Let's hope that death trap was thrown away by now. Then, hughugkisskiss, Minato-san and Takeba-san had a nice little moment. Aww.

Oh, and then we figured out that Fuuka made that "sushi." Remind me to stay at least 4 feet away from anything she cooks to avoid dying prematurely. That'd be nice.

I kinda like living. Even if my world is fucked up.

Full Moons and FRIENDSHIP. YES. [My God, that sounds fruity].

Well. That was awesome. :|

Ever since the full moon, everything's been messed up. These two huge Shadows burst into Tartarus and attacked Kirijo-san, Takeba-san, and I pretty much as soon as they got there. Being her senpai, both Kirijo-san and I protected Takeba from any harm, well, considering she was the who had to heal us all...
But because of that, my shoulders are bruised like hell. One of the Shadows looked like a huge soldier, and he, it, whatever, pressed down on my shoulders until I swear it wanted them to crack. The only reason they didn't, probably, was Takeba-san's healing.

Then, after all that, Kirijo-san jumped in front of both of us to protect us, which scares me. These things could kill her. And, well, they almost did... Even now, she's suffering from bruised lungs, and is having trouble with her everyday business. Her doctor, one that Ikutsuki-san got to come to the dorm to check on Kirijo-san while she was injured, kept trying to keep her confined to her bed, but that clearly didn't work so well.
Honestly, though, most of that night is a blur. Turns out ghost girl -- er, Fuuka -- has a Persona, too, so she ended up taking a support role during the whole fight, and something happened with Minato-san and Takeba-san, but I... really don't recall. He was pissed, though! Holy hell.

...Ugh... my shoulders hurt. :'[

Oh. And then today. :] Student Council. Again! YAYYYY.

I bitched out some people, most of them left, Kirijo-san bitched at anyone left, near passed out, so Minato-san walked her home. Leaving me and Odagiri-san together. ...Alone. That's pretty much it, in a nice little nutshell.

Hasn't it been established how weird it is to be with this guy? A guy who helps you all the time, who cares about you when you thought people just couldn't care anymore? Like... sure, my dormmates care, but none of them really offered to help me walk home. This guy does. Why? I have no fucking clue. It's not even a big deal, right? But like...! I take every little thing so seriously. Am I just over-thinking it?

A big part of me regrets today, really. I was worried about Kirijo-san, and I still am, I mean... geez... because that whole thing seems like my fault. I just couldn't do anything at all. But... all in all, because of that, I was scared. I needed to talk to someone. Odagiri-san was there, so he heard it all.

Honestly? I really don't like myself. I seem so cocky and shit, don't I? So confident in myself? But no. I'm a good actress and liar. I can act like I like you, I hate you, you're my best friend or my worst enemy. Whatever works to my advantage, right? Somewhere inside, I feel like Odagiri-san sensed that from me, or saw through me. Over the past few weeks, he kept saying things that suited me to a 'T'. How people lie and backstab for their own self-preservation, and will walk all over other people if it's to their advantage. It fit me so well, so I wondered... if he knows all that, why doesn't he hate me?

I don't even hate him. It's pretty damn obvious I tried, only to fail. To be quite honest, I like him. He's a nice guy. Too nice, like I've said, but... I appreciate it. Hell, it's not like anyone else is such a... er... gentleman.

...I mean, I'm just saying.

That aside, he... walked me home again after. It seems like this is happening a lot more lately, and it's, um, something I think I'm slowly coming to accept...?  I pushed people away for so long that... it feels nice to have a friend again. Kind of. So I guess I won't try to understand his wanting to befriend me, or why I inspire him just because I seem to be such a natural with kids (whut. doesn't he babysit?), because... I honestly wouldn't know where to begin with all that.

I'm... not scared of this or anything, though. It's just weird! Guys usually want nothing from you but sex and/or sandwiches... >_>;;

...er, nevermind! Bai bai~

Operation Rescue-Ghost-Girl, GO

Hey all, it's been a while, hasn't it? Miss me? Oh, I know you did. You don't even have to tell me~ x]

Jokes aside, the past week has been pretty weird, if anything. Takeba-san got worked up over some ghost story and so her, Minato-san, Akemi-san, and Iori-san all went to investigate one night after doing all this research business about it... I don't even know. Gekkoukan is, like, the school of rumors. So they went around asking people about this stuff.

So we're on a mission to Tartarus tonight. In fact, the reasons for our going are to save some girl named Fuuka Yamagishi, who somehow got shoved into Tartarus one night and has been there ever since. It seemed to be some ghost story gone wrong, as indicated by Takeba-san and her little ghostbusting possy, but I have no idea how she got in there or how we'd find her or where the hell she would even be in that giant tower.

Even with all that up in the air, what if that girl isn't even alive anymore? We could be risking our lives for nothing. Hell, I've only been to Tartarus once, and I hate the place. It's exhausting and brutal. It's been said about a million times over, so I really don't need to go there again with how much I don't like it, but...

And now, everyone seems all tense because of this mission. I mean, sure, I've always heard that funky stuff happens on these missions (with Tartarus, how does weird shit NOT happen?), but... it's nothing to be scared of, right? It's making me a liiittle bit nervous. I know I'm not the only one, of course, and I'm not at all terrified to go or anything. It's just not a pleasant idea!

Otherwise, nothing's happening right now. I was able to smuggle my laptop into school and get on it, though, so... I'm just sitting around in the classroom with it after Akihiko, Maemi-chan and I got done with lunch. Kirijo-san mentioned meeting up in the Student Council room after school today, too, because I totally love going in that room of all places.

...fff, wait, it's a Monday, isn't it? Awesome.

That means there's an actual meeting, but, uh, I guess Kirijo-san delayed it for this thing? Because Operation Rescue-Ghost-Girl is serious business, so much so that it's going to be in the Student Council Room. Holy hell, my mind is blown!

Not only that, but I can only imagine the questions we're going to get, especially since Odagiri-san is trying to be all buddy-buddy, and has been since he walked me home about a week or more ago. He's being far too nice to someone like me. It's... annoying.

Eh, anyway. The bell just rang. Wish me luck tonight~

...i'll need it.

Hikaru~ :]

After last night, is it any wonder that I feel like shit again?

I swear, I've just come to the conclusion that the Dark Hour just... makes you feel terrible. The two instances I've been in it, I feel, well, terrible.

Luckily for me, today was a school day, so I had to go when I could hardly walk straight. You know that was fun, I mean, because I love crashing into lockers when I just want to get to homeroom. 

Class was no different. Sure, I wasn't walking around, but if anything happened today, I surely don't remember any of it. I'm pretty sure I slept almost entirely through the class period... and because it's a Wednesday (lovely), I technically should have gone to Student Council today. Well, I really wasn't going to deal with any of that.  So I started to leave, right?

And then Odagiri-san pops up, literally, out of nowhere! I'm not even sure where he came from, but he came up and asked me if I needed any help. From you? No. From anyone? Hah, no. Seriously? I mean... at the time I thought I could just walk home myself. Or at least get to the train. So I tell him he's surely busy and has better things to do, but he insists. Still, I try to go without him.

That doesn't work out, so I just tell him to take me only as far as the gates, which he does, and so... that was awkward. I thank him and try to get on my way, but then Hikaru-kun comes out of nowhere with a girl I guess he goes to school with (really, where is everyone freaking coming from?) named Rumiko. Who is apparently Maemi-chan's niece? Small world.

Buuut I digress. All that still bothers me. He... met my family. I mean, just my brother, but... isn't that weird? Maybe I'm just weird, but... fuck. I don't really want him in my business, much less knowing my life, because, really, why should he be so special? :c

I guess this makes a good thing that Mom and Dad don't really visit me, huh?

...Oh well. At least Hikaru walked with me~ <3

Dearest Tartarus,

I hate you. A lot.

I mean, really, does anyone here really know how much I hate guns?

Seriously. I hate guns. And death. And scary Shadowy... blob things that try to kill me. Yeah, uh, all kind of the same thing, but fffffseriously.

And there I was, standing in a giant tower that shouldn't even exist in a whatkindofmindfuckisthis hour that shouldn't exist. The rest of this group is just going up to these monsters and shooting themselves in the head all like, 'yup we're so cool that we're used to this.'

Sorry guys, can't really do that.

Still... I guess you gotta give them credit. Minato-san's got balls, taking us around in a place like this and being so calm about it, especially since he's the one giving the orders. How the hell he does it, I have no clue, I mean... putting myself up there, I hate to admit, I couldn't do it.

Everyone else seemed comfy, too. Junpei and Akihiko were way too excited at the idea of beating things up, though. Not that I should be surprised. And then Kirijo-san somehow spoke to us from the bottom floor. Through our minds. How the hell she suddenly got psychic powers is just. Ugh why do I even question things anymore?

I said it already and all, but... I don't like Tartarus. I don't like having to shoot myself with a gun. Minato-san tried to make me, but I couldn't ever do it, so... I suddenly burst in to tears? I don't even know why, I just, I couldn't stop it?

Damn it, I hate it when I cry in front of people. I messed up a lot last night, haha... and I knew they considered taking me back to the entrance because I couldn't do shit, but hey, all the better. ...I didn't want to be there! They took me with them still, though, and we eventually found this like... group of giant machines. And GUESS WHAT. They wanted to kill us, too! Yay.

Everything that happened is a haze now, really. I just remember being cornered by one of them, never feeling more scared. I guess I didn't even care at that point, and I just wanted to protect myself, so I grabbed the gun and used it. That... felt weird. Like... how do I even describe this.
It literally felt like wind. Inside me? ...That sounds fucking strange, but it's all I can think of when my whole body is protesting typing this blog post.

So that was the first time I summoned my Persona. I don't like it, but I guess I have to keep trying. -_-
Everyone seemed so proud of me, and... it was kind of nice, to have someone be proud of me for once. ...Yeah.

Man, I'm losing my mind. I just know it. Why do you think I'm still up at 3 in the morning? :|

Azami Fukumoto

Even through all the drama from yesterday, I do remember one thing: Minato-san said we were all going to Tartarus tonight. You know I'm so excited for that shit.

That aside, I guess I didn't want to go home instantly because of it, so I went to the shrine's playground again. I think I go there when I want to think about things. I've done it in the past a lot, so I figured, 'Hey! Why not go again?' It was a little different today, though. I usually don't find many people around the playground aside from little children playing on the swings or the slide. But I don't usually interact with them or anything, other than the few times when a child comes up to me.

So I was just kinda snapping pictures of them, watching them as they played, when a young girl asked to sit with me on the horizontal bar. And yeah, that was cool. She could do whatever she wanted.

She pointed at my camera and asked what it was. Which was interesting, because not that many people give a damn about a random teenage girl walking around taking pictures of stuff. But hey! We talked for a little bit about my picture taking and such before I realized I should probably get home and get ready for the Tartarus run...

But the girl, whose name was Azami, mentioned that she should probably go home, too, but she didn't want to because of her family. Hah, and do I know what you mean, kiddo.

Still. I felt bad because I could kinda sorta (alittlebit) relate. I never like seeing my family either... excluding Hikaru-kun, of course, but... eh. ...Nooot going there.

We resolved to go home, and I learned that Azami was afraid of heights after getting her down from that... bar thing. She sprinted away right after.

...Haha. She's... pretty cute. I think I'll keep her around.

...A menace, huh?

Isn't it amazing how you try to avoid something and you still get stuck in it anyway? For example, SEES was like that for a few days. Granted, Iori-san still kinda avoids me, but Akihiko wouldn't get off my ass until he got me to consider joining.

Well, Student Council is one of those things, too. Freaking Hidetoshi Odagiri is one of those people.

There I was, walking down the hall, about to skip Council again, when I heard something from the other end of the hallway. I had just come down the stairs from the third floor and neared the door, but I heard Odagiri-san's arguing, something that had come to grate on my nerves, with some other boy I had only seen once. Miyagi-san, I heard.

But something seemed off. Sure, Odagiri-san kinda... came off as, well... I don't know, but er, he just didn't deserve to be punched in the face. So I told Minato-san, who took care of that nicely by pretty much kicking that guy's ass.

Respect for Minato-san = +5

Sure, I could have possibly done it myself, but I couldn't get punched in the face. Too bad I would regret thinking that later when both Minato-san and I walked up to him. It took a rather blunt statement from Minato to strike it in Odagiri-san that he was going way too damn far with this accusing thing. That senior who just ran off with a bloody nose? Uhhhh, yeah, accused of smoking.

Random kids in the hallways? Accused of smoking. Random douchebags in Student Council? Also accused. Minato-san and I...? Never accused. I'll never understand why. Not that I want to be labeled a druggie or anything, but what makes me so damn special?

I remember Odagiri-san saying something about people... lying and backstabbing to get what they wanted, how those people were, ah, what did he say...? "Menaces to society"? That shocked me, really. I never understood how lying to keep yourself safe could be wrong. Self-preservation and survival are wrong? I'm just some... terror on society? Ohp, well, you better be careful, society. I'm comin', terrorizing the world with my terrible LIES AND DECEIT AND SELFISHNESS.

...Hatred for self = +10

Ugh, all that aside, I... I don't get it. Hearing something like that before, like from Akihiko, had the most minor effect on me, other than really pissing me off. But then Odagiri-san says it. I don't even like him! So... why is it that, just sitting in my room writing this, I feel like I want to cry?

I suppose I never realized how terrible I sounded from another perspective. But... hey, I don't really care. Let me be terrible. I'd choose that over someone getting attached to me any day.

Tests = Death

I'm just going to say it right out; I am tired. Not that that's anything new, right?

It's been a while since I wrote a post, though, so I thought I'd indulge my worried readers. :]!

I moved in to the SEES dorm last week. It wasn't really anything special. I just moved in with some help from Kirijo-san in making the arrangements for my room, along with Akemi-chan and Takeba-san who offered to help me put things up. But my choice of a move-in date was pretty bad, because mid-terms were that entire week and Kirijo-san wouldn't get off our asses about them. I was pretty much forced to study, and I... don't really like to study. Sure, I'll do it, but I never really had to at my old schools, so I never made it a habit. Time is also a problem now, with school, Student Council (which I still really don't want to go to all that much), and work most nights, what time do I have to study? That little period I have when I get home is time I take in either cooking or taking pictures or something. I sure as hell enjoy it a lot more. Studying is like taking a knife to my brain and probing it in there multiple times.

Can you tell I really don't like studying? Yeah. I hope you can feel my powerful dislike. Here, have some vibes~

On the bright side, it seems I convinced Maemi and Akihiko to finally sit together at lunch with me at the same time. That was nice, considering how awkward those two were around each other whenever I saw them, so I figured I'd be so kind as to help! Aren't I a good matchmaker?

I moved in freaking recently, too, and I could probably name all the future pairings in this dorm right now:

1. Akihiko and Maemi-chan are totally going to get together in a few months once they decide to finally get over themselves.
2. Minato-san and Takeba-san are a guaranteed couple. I don't have to say more than that.
3. Iori and Akemi-san, too.

It's going to happen. I bet you money.

Anyway, my current goal is to get the first pair to speak two or three words to one another. That'll be a breakthrough as far as they're concerned. Not much else to say, either, other than I'm sure I'm acting a little funny because of how exhausted I am from moving in and then following that up with exams. :| But hey, it's over now, at least. Now I'm just wondering about this Tartarus place everyone keeps talking about, because honestly? That place sounds like hell on Earth. As if the Dark Hour wasn't fucked up enough, apparently the school transforms into some giant tower of nonsense with clocks and crazy shit all over it. Oh, and more blood. Yayyy. I'm so EXCITED to go running around inside with a flimsy school uniform on and get epic pwned~

...Fml. -__-

Kudos!

There's nothing better on a Saturday afternoon when you just want to go home than being ambushed by a guy you hardly know, who then tells you to join the organization you already slapped another guy for asking you to join.

Nothing. I mean, that is just the highlight of my day, but I guess I should be grateful Akihiko didn't pull a gun on me like Junpei did. I still can't forget all of that, either.

I still think that the conversation would have been much more interesting if Akihiko just confessed that he liked Maemi already. Everyone knows it. Just come out with it! Be a man!

But no. He took me to that persimmon tree by the gyms and asked me to reconsider. I have to say that at least he explained what they do a lot better than Junpei had. Making Akihiko, Kirijo-san, himself, and me out to be superheroes just made no sense. I mean, imagine that! Like Akihiko wearing a cape and standing all valiantly for justice! Hell yeah. ...Snrk.

Clearly I just wasn't taking this conversation seriously at all. He insisted all of this was for a purpose, for the "protection of humanity." Fancy.

Just like Akihiko, too, with his blood knight ideals. How does a group of kids go about saving the entire world anyway? I mean, just because I have some special power means I have to go and risk my life for it? Call me a jerk, but I don't really like that idea. But then he goes and calls me selfish, says that my brother is included in humankind and that I should care more and protect him.

Oh, well, excuse me while I go punch something.

Are you fucking kidding me?! I practically mothered that kid for years! God knows my parents were too busy being at each other's throats to take care of us! Jackass thinks he knows the first thing about me? Right. Yeah, no one does, and I'm tired of people trying to think they do.

Guys piss me off. They think they know everything about you, about what you need. First Odagiri-san and his taking me into an Student Council full of dillholes, to Akihiko and his taking my closeness to Hikaru and throwing it in my face in knowing what would happen. Maaaan, the words fitting for this situation are just not appropriate to be said here. So I'll just think them happily. :]

Either way, if he's going to use my brother against me, guilt me into thinking that if I don't help, something will happen to him... fine. He planted a seed I can't get rid of, so I decided to join SEES today because of it. I just hope I don't regret it or hate myself for it later.

So kudos to you, Akihiko! Way to make a girl hate herself. Well... more than she already did.

Happy. Effing. Birthday. :|

Same day as that craziness before. Oh and, uh, still my birthday.

If you didn't notice by the last post, I was up until 2 in the morning last night. I couldn't get that whole... "Dark Hour" business out of my head. So even though I said I was going to sleep, I ended up staying up for hours after.

Now, because of that, I feel like I'm coming down with something. I got next to no sleep because I couldn't stop seeing all this blood and gore and coffins in my head, which are like the best images for helping you sleep, y'know, and it had been very cold that night for a girl in shorts and a t-shirt.

...It's what I sleep in. Don't judge!

So going to school today wasn't quite... the best idea. I felt terrible, and it was my birthday, so I conked out in class and did next to nothing interesting. After school, too, I just went straight home. Like there was even a point in attending Student Council, es-pecially after what happened last week. Anyone who thinks I'm going back after that insanity is fooling themselves. I'm not going to willfully hurt myself just to solve some cigarette incident. I'd rather keep myself somewhat sane than kill myself by... I guess, subjecting myself to that mental torture...

I don't care if it's wrong, either! I can only take so much.

...I feel so cold. >< Stupid illness.

As if my life wasn't already dysfunctional...

It gets even. Fucking. Weirder.

I mean, it's not like anything interesting really happens to me anymore. So, when something does, it's pretty serious. And something's gotta be pretty serious to be Sadako-worthy. Know what I'm saying?

So I'm in my dorm, minding my own business, right? Well, I go downstairs to get something to drink and I keep seeing something moving outside. I have no clue what it is so, being smart, I go and look outside. And, duh, it's dark. I can't see anything except some moving figure before I realized something -- it's a kid. A kid I know. A kid who shouldn't be out on the streets at night when he knows his father hates me. :]

Yeah, so my brother was out there.

I have to admit. I was pretty scared, seeing Hikaru-kun running around close to midnight. Who does he think he is, anyway? ...Ah, who am I kidding. I love the kid too much. Part of me was really happy to see him, even if it was dangerous...

He rushed towards me then and gives me a hug and a box that he tells me not to open until midnight comes. ...I was really surprised, to be honest (yeahthatdoesn'thappenveryoften), because he remembered my birthday. That was the first time for a long time that anyone bothered to remember it. So... hah, I started crying a little. Sorry ototo-chan. Probably didn't want to see your "cool big sis" melt down like that. Anyway, I'm kinda straying from the point.

He asks me to walk with him. Sad to say... I knew Dad would hate me for it, but I went anyway... but only because Hikaru begged me! I really need to get better at resisting that look. So we left the dorm and walked around the strip mall a tad, before stopping on a bench around there, where Hikaru makes me open the box a few minutes before midnight comes. He got me this charm bracelet, and it's gorgeous, and I love it to death...

And then he says Akihiko helped him get it and I can't stop laughing. Really, Akihiko? Sparkly things? I'm not forgetting this. EVER. ;]

The weirdest thing happened a few minutes later. By weird, I mean really fucking weird. Like... nightmarish weird, because everything turned green and bloody and the moon grew to about ten times its usual size. Not to MENTION, Hikaru wasn't really even there anymore. Like... He was a coffin. A. Coffin.

I freaked out. Some guy comes over and tells me that this is all because of some awesome power I have, but if this is what it makes me see, I'm not sure I want it. Seeing Hikaru disappear like that... I... don't think I'd ever been so effing terrified. Just... that doesn't happen.

This kid, Junpei he said he was, was so calm about all this, too. Making superhero references, and then topping it all off by... taking a gun from his waist and asking me to join this group called SEES. However, if you know anything about me (though chances are you don't), you'd know I hate those things. They scare me to death. Why? Yeah, I'm not even going into that...

So I told him no! Why would I join some organization with these guns? Even if they aren't real, y'know, just... what the hell? Don't pull a gun on me, you jackass. That's why I slapped you in the face.

I couldn't go home until Hikaru woke up, though. I pretty much clung to his coffin (wtf I wish this wasn't what actually happened) until he came back, confused, and I took him home before going home myself, holding onto the charm bracelet he gave me the whole time as if it was my life.

Now I see why I really didn't want that kid running around at night.

Ffs, Student Council

Well, um... Today wasn't the best day in the world.

You know, normally, I would start with some kinda snappy one-liner or something, but... I just can't manage that today. For the first time I feel almost genuinely scared. Not because anything has been really life-threatening or anything, but because somehow this school year has brought back more memories in almost two months than the other three combined managed to.

Today was another Student Council day, seeing as the rest of the week was generally pretty slow and inactive. I just... I didn't even have to walk through the doors to realize how much tension there was between everyone. Between Odagiri-san and the rest of the group especially. They argued and screamed over something so little, something I soon found to be that Odagiri-san received the help of a teacher with the cigarette incident without the President's permission or... or something. I hardly remember... I'm still shaking a little right now. It's hell to type...

You know how I thought it was going well? Well, this told me that it really wasn't.

The argument made me both angry and sad. I walked in, a very stupid move on my part, only to find Fushimi-san cowering away from the arguing. Still, she told me what happened, even when I had heard it through the door before, so I reprimanded the screaming and yelling as pointless. Because it was! Why did they have to scream over something that seemed so small?!

Not that my getting into it did anything. I think all it did was get myself involved in the damned argument, which was the last thing I wanted to do. Because you know what happens when you get involved?

Yeah, people blame you for shit. They assume things, like that I was taking Odagiri-san's side in the whole shpeal. WHICH, by the way, I was not.

I don't take sides in arguments. It only gets people pissed at you. And then Arisato-san enters the room in his casual way and deals with everything so damn well, feeding the fire and making them even more mad. ...And while amusing, it wasn't helping my case.

When it all comes down to it, I'm apparently a suck-up who can't come up with her ideas and stick to her own beliefs. And you know what? Fuck you guys! Everyone in this place, seriously, just proves me right. People are out to get you.

Even Odagiri-san, getting me stuck in this shit. Yeah. You better be sorry...

WTF.

Okay. I never mentioned this before, but people are acting weird. And by that, I mean for a while. For weeks, even. Akihiko's limping all over creation as if he's wounded somewhere, yet no matter how many times you ask him why, he goes and puts up his cool exterior and says he's fine. And I've mastered that! So Sadako is skeptical.

Maemi seems a bit antsy, too. I asked her in thinking maybe she would know, but I don't get anything from her. Or anyone. See, I work at a small cafe inside of Paulownia Mall, and I'd say... what, on the 19th or so, I saw those juniors from the train come in. Yukari Takeba and Shokora Akemi, as they soon told me. I, as courtesy would have it of course, introduced myself to them, too, and asked them about Akihiko's condition. Because, really, you don't limp around a school full of rumor-happy kids and expect no one to ask questions. Still, I got nothing from them, either, except that it must have been 'boxing.'

Boxing, my ass. Akihiko is reckless, but he's pretty hardcore about his boxing. He wouldn't be so careless. ...Why would I know that? He only talks about it all the time.

I gave up soon, though, figuring it was pointless. Given today was a Friday, I attended Student Council as Odagiri-san had invited me to just yesterday, and I would just like to say, openly, that today was freaking weird. Not only did Kirijo-san allow Arisato to leave without any words from him, but Fushimi-san -- a shy sophomore girl who could hardly speak two words without sticking a nice 'um' in between -- mentioned rumors of a cigarette butt in the boy's bathroom. Now, why does that not surprise me? Maybe because teenagers are dumbasses, or because they like to test the rules or maybe they just plain like being high and doing stupid shit. Like I would know or care. Just really? At the school?

Odagiri-san didn't take this lightly at all, though I admit it was pretty serious business. He looked distracted the entire meeting. No one agreed with him and all told him to stop himself from jumping to conclusions about whoever the hell was stupid enough to light up in a school bathroom. I might never admit to it, but part of me wanted to agree with him almost. In all honesty, the people they mentioned did seem a little suspicious.

But hey! I'm always a voice of reason. I calmed everyone's concerns and posed a solution that seemed to fit everyone's needs at the time. I know, I know, I'm awesome. You don't have to tell me.
...Kidding. I honestly am not that full of myself. Wow.

All in all, I think I could say today went well. And, on another note, I'm still going to find out what happened to Akihiko. :| I'm going to figure it out one of these days!

Playground Memories

So if there are a few things I've made routine this year, they would be as follows;

1. I have made it a habit to always eat with Akihiko for the first half of lunch and with Maemi for the other.
2. I keep drifting over to the Naganaki Shrine to sit at the playground and watch children play.

Now don't jump up and call me a pedo or something! That's not it. The memories are a little fuzzy, but when I first moved to Iwatodai from Tokyo, Hikaru and I always came to this playground for a few hours. We made some pleasant memories there, and I think I just kept coming back so that I could relive them. I mean... I haven't seen the kid for a few months now. I have to wonder how the little squirt is doing sometimes.

Oh, another reason I come to the shrine? Any reason to get away from my stupid ass dorm mates is good enough for me, considering some of them are the Akihiko fangirls I pick on.

I arrive at the shrine and all was well, but that might have been just because I was all... caught up in my memories and stuff, until I heard a young girl crying. And, just... yeah, I tend to stay away from conflicts like this that might involve emotional... involvement. Don't I choose great words to explain things?

But when it comes to children, I've always been a sucker, so I instantly jump in to this girl's rescue. It turned out that these older kids were picking on this little girl for no reason, really, except to amuse themselves by kicking sand in her face and pushing her down into it. And how fucked up do you have to be to hurt a child like that?! I can't stand it! So of course I'd give them a piece of my mind!

I ended up taking the older girl's phone and calling her mother so she could listen to the argument, because I am just that vindictive. She got herself into the mess, though. It's her fault. I'm only helping her realize it.

When they ran off, the girl ran forward and latched onto my leg so tight that I almost lost my balance. But still. I... can't say I minded. At least she was okay. At least I could get the sand out of her teary eyes, and I could generally help her feel better and not cry anymore. At the time, that was all that mattered to me. ...Which feels strange to say, but it's how I acted with Hikaru when I could still see him everyday, and so that... somehow transferred to this little girl, I guess...

I stayed with her when she begged for me to, and she said I was strong and brave. Funny, considering I'm neither.

Before I know it, then, I hear a familiar voice and sorta... freeze up. Close in like I always do. I look over and see that some guy, Hidetoshi I wanted to say, is coming over to us, which is strange because he always seemed so very... "yeah I'm all business" and all. I'd have never guessed he worked with children.

Still, I couldn't guess why he was there at first until I realized -- and he told me -- that he "cared" for this girl named Sayuri. And by "care," he meant that he was a babysitter. Why he couldn't just come out and say that, I have no idea. Too uncivilized a word, perhaps, Odagiri-san? I swear, the guy's so formal compared to most... I wouldn't call it weird more than I would call it really damn atypical of a high school boy.

He praised me for my helping Sayuri, which honestly wasn't a problem. Talking to this guy kinda was. I mean, seriously, where the fuck did he even come from? One moment I'm turned around and the next he's just right there, running over to us, as if he had been around the corner the entire time!

As if guys didn't creep on me enough, Christ. ...Not that I really think Odagiri-san is that type, but... ugh, just nevermind.

I didn't do much in terms of conversation rather than mutter half-hearted, single syllable if possible, replies. Well, until he mentioned sticking me in Student Council. ...Student Council? I mean... isn't that where Kirijo-san practically lives? She's the President, and clearly Odagiri-san shared this membership. ...Yeah, nothing personal, but I really didn't like the idea of joining.

Not that it was all bad, I guess. I mean, there would be people to talk to, and it would be an excuse to stay out of the dorm for a few more hours? Even Kirijo-san and this guy, I bet, are better company than these chicks I have to live with. Anyone would be better company than these girls. Really. Anyone.

Is it obvious that I hate this place yet?
IhatethisplaceIhatethisplaceIhatethisplace.


...Anyway. Odagiri-san stared me straight in the eyes after asking me all this stuff, which kinda manages to unnerve some people. Especially since his eyes are this deep shade of... black. It's really weird to look at, that's all I'm saying!

He left for a little while, saying that he had to get something for Sayuri. He wanted my answer when he got back though.

And when he did get back, you know what I said? No.

No, you don't know what I said. :p

Hah, I ended up accepting. I blame it on wanting reasonable people to talk to because seriously. I'll say it again.
My dorm sucks.

Yeah, uh, what.

My parents thought of me as the wrong girl if they ever thought my name fit me.

I mean, seriously Mom? You name the selfish bitch girl 'Sadako'? Pure child? I guess I could call it wishful thinking, I guess, but man. You picked the wrong girl.

I can't say I know why I decided to think about it now. I guess it's what happens when I'm just sitting in my room like this with nothing better to do than write in a blog no one's going to see.

Whatever. Back to editing pictures I go~

First Day

So I'm a senior in high school, for those who didn't know already. I've been going to Gekkoukan High School ever since I moved to Iwatodai from Tokyo with my family, but I was never really all that keen on school after a while. Since my parents divorced and my father ditched me and took my little brother with him, I kinda sorta don't like associating with people. I don't make friends all that much either. I don't need them. People just kinda come in your life, leave their mark, and leave. You hardly see any of the people you met in high school again anyway, so I just figured I'd get through this year without any issues and everything would be all cool.

Today was probably the most damn dramatic first day of school ever, though.

I saw Akihiko on the train. I've known him for a little while, maybe just a year, and we're not all that close. But he's a familiar face, and I needed someone to talk to, so... cool. There he was. There was some blonde girl nearby, too -- a sophomore, Akihiko said -- that he was totally sweet on. I don't even care what he says. Getting paint canisters to this face must be a turn-on for him or something, because he is interested. I'm telling you.

I didn't bother going to talk to the people over there, though. The blonde girl, Maemi, was the only one whose name I got. The other three were juniors, by the looks of it, but I'd only seen one of them. Yuka-something. Eh... whatever.

Then I bitched out Akihiko's fangirls during class. Just for funzies.

During lunch, I found that Maemi girl again, though she was kinda at her locker crying and mobbed by a bunch of people. I'm not sure what came over me, call it protective instinct with having a little brother and all that goodness, but I helped her out and ate lunch with her. That's not something I usually would be caught dead doing, either. I know it'll just cause problems.

But... anyway, so that happened. Not much else though. Like most other first days, it was full of a whole lot of nothing. Not that I should be surprised.

'Nyway. I should get going. Bai~