Dearest Tartarus,

I hate you. A lot.

I mean, really, does anyone here really know how much I hate guns?

Seriously. I hate guns. And death. And scary Shadowy... blob things that try to kill me. Yeah, uh, all kind of the same thing, but fffffseriously.

And there I was, standing in a giant tower that shouldn't even exist in a whatkindofmindfuckisthis hour that shouldn't exist. The rest of this group is just going up to these monsters and shooting themselves in the head all like, 'yup we're so cool that we're used to this.'

Sorry guys, can't really do that.

Still... I guess you gotta give them credit. Minato-san's got balls, taking us around in a place like this and being so calm about it, especially since he's the one giving the orders. How the hell he does it, I have no clue, I mean... putting myself up there, I hate to admit, I couldn't do it.

Everyone else seemed comfy, too. Junpei and Akihiko were way too excited at the idea of beating things up, though. Not that I should be surprised. And then Kirijo-san somehow spoke to us from the bottom floor. Through our minds. How the hell she suddenly got psychic powers is just. Ugh why do I even question things anymore?

I said it already and all, but... I don't like Tartarus. I don't like having to shoot myself with a gun. Minato-san tried to make me, but I couldn't ever do it, so... I suddenly burst in to tears? I don't even know why, I just, I couldn't stop it?

Damn it, I hate it when I cry in front of people. I messed up a lot last night, haha... and I knew they considered taking me back to the entrance because I couldn't do shit, but hey, all the better. ...I didn't want to be there! They took me with them still, though, and we eventually found this like... group of giant machines. And GUESS WHAT. They wanted to kill us, too! Yay.

Everything that happened is a haze now, really. I just remember being cornered by one of them, never feeling more scared. I guess I didn't even care at that point, and I just wanted to protect myself, so I grabbed the gun and used it. That... felt weird. Like... how do I even describe this.
It literally felt like wind. Inside me? ...That sounds fucking strange, but it's all I can think of when my whole body is protesting typing this blog post.

So that was the first time I summoned my Persona. I don't like it, but I guess I have to keep trying. -_-
Everyone seemed so proud of me, and... it was kind of nice, to have someone be proud of me for once. ...Yeah.

Man, I'm losing my mind. I just know it. Why do you think I'm still up at 3 in the morning? :|