...

How is it that... in the span of two days, everything changed?

I knew I should have questioned Maemi's not going to school. I keep wondering why I didn't. Sure, I mean, she's okay. Nothing really happened to her, but I... never expected things to get so bad. I should have. I was so angry at myself the whole time, even though, again, nothing really happened...

First off, let me tell you that my head isn't on straight. Though I try to forget it, I had to go see my mother's therapist along with her when I was a kid, because of something I did. So, yeah, I know I'm a little off in the head. But my reasons for all of this happening make sense, damn it!

There were all these rumors going around today that Maemi-chan... killed herself. You know, along with all the shit about us being sluts, being looked at like I'm not even human anymore, that was a bit too much for me. When I saw these girls who pretty much made it their hobby to pick on me and Maemi or gossip about us or whatever the hell they decided to do, they had the nerve to say some really terrible things about Maemi, so I showed them how wrong they were.

I got in a fight with them, yeah. Not that it helped much. I only started believing what they told me about Maemi, that she was dead somewhere, and I lost it. I ran off and found myself in the Student Council room. And before you say anything about it, I... wasn't thinking about it, okay?

The whole problem is that... he came in later anyway. He saw me like that, crying and everything, and I ended up telling him everything about me. About Mom. About her attempted suicides with guns, with pills, by jumping off of a bridge. How Dad didn't care, how Hikaru didn't know what to do or that it was even happening... everything. I'd never told anyone before. I'm not even sure if it was the right thing to do, either, but I... figured I had to tell someone.

I'm still shaken up. At the same time, I... feel better, and I have to admit that it's because of Hidetoshi. If he hadn't helped me, I don't know where I'd be right now. I wouldn't have gone up to the roof, that's for sure. ...I'm too much of a coward for that. Hah, I've always been a coward, though. So I guess that's nothing new.

Still. He's one of the kindest men I've ever met in my life. I can't really deny that anymore.

Would you like another kick in the pants, Hatakeda-san?

...This blog is really bipolar, isn't it?

I know I've been delayed, but I feel so, so much better today than I have for the past couple of weeks! Sure, there's a ton of gossip going around about me and Maemi, ever since what happened with that kid. And Akihiko giving Kaito a nice punch in the face probably didn't help much in that regard, either, no matter how awesome that was.

Still, I feel pretty damn good about myself! For once, it feels like I've finally let go of someone who had this really big hold over me. Because, honestly, I've never really told anyone, but I have this one ex-boyfriend named Riichi. He's on the boxing team. We went out two years ago. A lot of things happened between us, and we broke up about two and a half months later. Fun stuff, relationships.

But anyway, I happened to see him again today. To give a bit of background, it looks like Maemi and I are the local sluts of Gekkoukan High School. A nice title, really. :| So I've had a few guys come up to me since the beginning of last week, asking for favors. ._. It's not the best feeling in the world, but people are still looking at me, you know?

Riichi did the same thing today, and I so hope I got him back. x3 Did it feel good to give that dickhead a theoretical kick to the nuts so hard it might have made him cry? Oh, hell yeah! It was wonderful. It really gave me that thought that my life is going right, despite all the uncertainties lately, with SC and all. I'm becoming... more and more certain that I'm making the right decisions. He's out of my life for good, and he doesn't hold that power over me like he used to. Because, really, I felt like, for once, one of those badass girls in the movies who never really thinks they're worth standing up for, but they do one day -- be it for themselves or whatever, Idc -- and then they feel like total awesomeness about it for the rest of the day. Yeah, that's me right now.

...Though, you know, speaking of all this... it's just kinda-sorta occurred to me that Maemi-chan hasn't been at school since yesterday. She wasn't there today, either, and I haven't seen her around the dorm this evening or last.

Things are really getting weird. The gossip just seems to get worse and worse. It's probably not a big deal, just teen drama business, and I'm not really worried, per se. ...Just came to mind. I wonder what's up.

' Sigh ' Oh well. I shouldn't kill my public-humiliation-satisfaction high! :] So I'm off to see my little friend Azami today. I started to see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I probably shouldn't disappoint. I'm starting to look forward to seeing her nowadays. <3

Bai everyone~

Note

If you see me over the next few days, and you're male, don't even bother talking to me. Just don't. I don't want anything to do with you.

EDIT - 6//27//09 - At this point, anything will make me pop. ...Please. Don't speak to me. ._.

You're kidding me, right?

Dude, I'm so damn pissed. For a while now, things have been verging on okay. Despite the usual ridiculousness, things have been relatively normal as far as SEES goes. SEES isn't quite normal, you see.

But damn it all if this should happen to her! I swear if I ever see that douchebag again, I'll beat the shit out of him just like Akihiko did! I don't even care. I'm so mad. So, just... excuse me for a onneeee second, please. :]

You do not call a girl your property! She is not under your control, and she is not your slave! You do not take advantage of a girl just because you can! You think that's cool? You think it gives you something to brag about? 'Lolol I totally almost scored with this chick even though she didn't want it awyeah!'? No? Then shut the fuck up! I can't tolerate that! And I swear, if I ever see that kid's face again, I will break it so hard it won't even be recognizable, and let's see him get a girl then! Asshole.

/endfeministrant

You better hope you don't see me, Kaito.

Somehow, I'm surrounded by...

Death. o_O Or maybe near-death is more fitting.

I don't even know what the hell happened. Most of this week was pretty inactive anyway, aside from the obvious awkwardness that is Student Council, taking pictures of random stuff (yeah, people call me a creeper because of it, but I'm not, damn it!), and surfing the internet. I seem to hermit on this computer a lot, really. I just noticed that... Huh.

Anyway! I was just in my room again today and heard Kirijo-san, of all people, flipping her shit. And you know that when Kirijo-san is flipping her shit, that, not to sound redundant, shit is going down. So I come downstairs and it seems Minato-san is dying.

Yeah, I said wtf too.

For some reason, he was lying on the ground, unable to breathe. Of course, at the time, I was pretty scared, too. I'm still shaking a little, but, like, what the hell? I didn't even know what happened. Akihiko wasn't a help, even though I called him, so Akemi-san and Takeba-san ended up being the people to help. And Minato-san was choking on some white ball of... something. I couldn't even tell.

Like, maybe that could be classified as sushi, but I don't even like the idea of calling that shit food. Let's hope that death trap was thrown away by now. Then, hughugkisskiss, Minato-san and Takeba-san had a nice little moment. Aww.

Oh, and then we figured out that Fuuka made that "sushi." Remind me to stay at least 4 feet away from anything she cooks to avoid dying prematurely. That'd be nice.

I kinda like living. Even if my world is fucked up.

Full Moons and FRIENDSHIP. YES. [My God, that sounds fruity].

Well. That was awesome. :|

Ever since the full moon, everything's been messed up. These two huge Shadows burst into Tartarus and attacked Kirijo-san, Takeba-san, and I pretty much as soon as they got there. Being her senpai, both Kirijo-san and I protected Takeba from any harm, well, considering she was the who had to heal us all...
But because of that, my shoulders are bruised like hell. One of the Shadows looked like a huge soldier, and he, it, whatever, pressed down on my shoulders until I swear it wanted them to crack. The only reason they didn't, probably, was Takeba-san's healing.

Then, after all that, Kirijo-san jumped in front of both of us to protect us, which scares me. These things could kill her. And, well, they almost did... Even now, she's suffering from bruised lungs, and is having trouble with her everyday business. Her doctor, one that Ikutsuki-san got to come to the dorm to check on Kirijo-san while she was injured, kept trying to keep her confined to her bed, but that clearly didn't work so well.
Honestly, though, most of that night is a blur. Turns out ghost girl -- er, Fuuka -- has a Persona, too, so she ended up taking a support role during the whole fight, and something happened with Minato-san and Takeba-san, but I... really don't recall. He was pissed, though! Holy hell.

...Ugh... my shoulders hurt. :'[

Oh. And then today. :] Student Council. Again! YAYYYY.

I bitched out some people, most of them left, Kirijo-san bitched at anyone left, near passed out, so Minato-san walked her home. Leaving me and Odagiri-san together. ...Alone. That's pretty much it, in a nice little nutshell.

Hasn't it been established how weird it is to be with this guy? A guy who helps you all the time, who cares about you when you thought people just couldn't care anymore? Like... sure, my dormmates care, but none of them really offered to help me walk home. This guy does. Why? I have no fucking clue. It's not even a big deal, right? But like...! I take every little thing so seriously. Am I just over-thinking it?

A big part of me regrets today, really. I was worried about Kirijo-san, and I still am, I mean... geez... because that whole thing seems like my fault. I just couldn't do anything at all. But... all in all, because of that, I was scared. I needed to talk to someone. Odagiri-san was there, so he heard it all.

Honestly? I really don't like myself. I seem so cocky and shit, don't I? So confident in myself? But no. I'm a good actress and liar. I can act like I like you, I hate you, you're my best friend or my worst enemy. Whatever works to my advantage, right? Somewhere inside, I feel like Odagiri-san sensed that from me, or saw through me. Over the past few weeks, he kept saying things that suited me to a 'T'. How people lie and backstab for their own self-preservation, and will walk all over other people if it's to their advantage. It fit me so well, so I wondered... if he knows all that, why doesn't he hate me?

I don't even hate him. It's pretty damn obvious I tried, only to fail. To be quite honest, I like him. He's a nice guy. Too nice, like I've said, but... I appreciate it. Hell, it's not like anyone else is such a... er... gentleman.

...I mean, I'm just saying.

That aside, he... walked me home again after. It seems like this is happening a lot more lately, and it's, um, something I think I'm slowly coming to accept...?  I pushed people away for so long that... it feels nice to have a friend again. Kind of. So I guess I won't try to understand his wanting to befriend me, or why I inspire him just because I seem to be such a natural with kids (whut. doesn't he babysit?), because... I honestly wouldn't know where to begin with all that.

I'm... not scared of this or anything, though. It's just weird! Guys usually want nothing from you but sex and/or sandwiches... >_>;;

...er, nevermind! Bai bai~

Operation Rescue-Ghost-Girl, GO

Hey all, it's been a while, hasn't it? Miss me? Oh, I know you did. You don't even have to tell me~ x]

Jokes aside, the past week has been pretty weird, if anything. Takeba-san got worked up over some ghost story and so her, Minato-san, Akemi-san, and Iori-san all went to investigate one night after doing all this research business about it... I don't even know. Gekkoukan is, like, the school of rumors. So they went around asking people about this stuff.

So we're on a mission to Tartarus tonight. In fact, the reasons for our going are to save some girl named Fuuka Yamagishi, who somehow got shoved into Tartarus one night and has been there ever since. It seemed to be some ghost story gone wrong, as indicated by Takeba-san and her little ghostbusting possy, but I have no idea how she got in there or how we'd find her or where the hell she would even be in that giant tower.

Even with all that up in the air, what if that girl isn't even alive anymore? We could be risking our lives for nothing. Hell, I've only been to Tartarus once, and I hate the place. It's exhausting and brutal. It's been said about a million times over, so I really don't need to go there again with how much I don't like it, but...

And now, everyone seems all tense because of this mission. I mean, sure, I've always heard that funky stuff happens on these missions (with Tartarus, how does weird shit NOT happen?), but... it's nothing to be scared of, right? It's making me a liiittle bit nervous. I know I'm not the only one, of course, and I'm not at all terrified to go or anything. It's just not a pleasant idea!

Otherwise, nothing's happening right now. I was able to smuggle my laptop into school and get on it, though, so... I'm just sitting around in the classroom with it after Akihiko, Maemi-chan and I got done with lunch. Kirijo-san mentioned meeting up in the Student Council room after school today, too, because I totally love going in that room of all places.

...fff, wait, it's a Monday, isn't it? Awesome.

That means there's an actual meeting, but, uh, I guess Kirijo-san delayed it for this thing? Because Operation Rescue-Ghost-Girl is serious business, so much so that it's going to be in the Student Council Room. Holy hell, my mind is blown!

Not only that, but I can only imagine the questions we're going to get, especially since Odagiri-san is trying to be all buddy-buddy, and has been since he walked me home about a week or more ago. He's being far too nice to someone like me. It's... annoying.

Eh, anyway. The bell just rang. Wish me luck tonight~

...i'll need it.